Bereft
by Lauriel01
Summary: Written for the Sheppard HC 'Loss of a child' prompt. It's a bit dark, so if it's not your thing, please take note.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N Written for the Sheppard HC 'Loss of a child' challenge prompt, so it will be a bit on the dark side._

_Thank you to Alipeeps and Gigajules for their wonderful beta skills! If something is wrong, I can guarantee I stuffed it after they had beta-ed! _

**Disclaimer:** The copyright for Stargate Atlantis belongs to MGM studios and SciFi channel. It's their playground- I'm just playing in it.

Chapter 1:

I look around me at the barren landscape. The air has an orange tinge; fire orange, hot and harsh and offering no warmth or comfort. The air is burnt, it has a metallic taste that leaves the back of my throat itching. The red desert earth is cracked and parched. If I allow my imagination free reign, it is easy to believe the land has been scorched

"I love the smell of napalm in the morning." The famous line meanders into the forefront of my mind. Duvall, was it? My thoughts are elusive, transient. I scan the horizon of the blasted wasteland once again. So hard to think, to concentrate. I can't shake a sadness, a yearning feeling; an ache of absence. I am looking for something.. searching..

The wail of an infant warbles through the emptiness. I snap my head up and look towards the sound, trying to penetrate the distance and pinpoint its source. The weak cry echoes in my head, and I gasp. The sad feeling has intensified. My chest is tightening, burning like the air. I am suddenly certain that I have very little time. A sense of impending.. something.. threat? The land watches me with an expectant oppressiveness. My neckhairs stand on end and there is a small area in the middle of my shoulderblades that itches with the sense that there is a knife blade inches from it. I look around again, searching for the threat my senses scream at me is nearby, but the harsh, arid land is flat for miles in every direction. I set off at a run. I can hear my heartbeat as blood is pumped in rapid circulation, as my arms and legs pump with increasing speed. I feel a tightening in my chest as my lungs start to burn like the air they struggle to suck in as I run faster, faster.

Faster!

I'm not paying attention to anything else except that one fragile sound in an eerily silent world. I have to find the infant before it's too late! Too late for what? I don't know. My thoughts remain intangible and incoherent. But the oppressive sense of danger continues to grow.

Faster!

The horizon doesn't change. The land doesn't change. There is no sign of progress. No sign of movement. I run faster but nothing moves. Am I moving? I can't tell. There is nothing to mark progression in this endless wasteland. No trees, no grass.. no life, except me and the baby whose tiny wail I so desperately follow. The wail gets louder, higher.

"Where are you?" The words echo, louder than they should be, and I can't tell whether I said them aloud or whether I am drowning in the thought. The baby's cry is now a high-pitched scream, almost mechanical. It sounds like.. no! Horror wells up from my stomach in cold waves of nausea, and my legs are suddenly so heavy.. too heavy. I look over my shoulder, and the horror is coupled with a bitter, acrid taste of fear, as I see the Wraith dart behind me.

Faster!

I can't hear the infant anymore. Was it there at all? I was searching for it, it must have been? But I can hear nothing now except the alien whine of the dart as it eats up the distance between us with appalling speed. The landscape bends and stretches in front of me. Dark shadows rise inexplicably from the barren dirt. I can't run! The pearly, luminescent beam from the dart surrounds me and my vision blurs with a white haze. Before oblivion takes me I hear the fragile, piercing cry of the child.

"I can't save you! I'm sorry, little one. I tried! I couldn't find you."

I scream..

John woke up, sitting bolt upright in his bed, the echoes of his scream ringing in his ears. His sheets were a twisted lump around his legs. His dogtags were a cold counterpoint against the sweat beading on his chest and his hair was wet to the point of dripping. His eyes stung too, although he wasn't sure whether that was from sweat or tears. He looked at his clock. 0200 Atlantis time. Damn. He'd only slept for one hour. Four days! Four fucking days this had been going on and he couldn't take much more of it. Grabbing the offending timepiece, he hurled it against the wall as hard as he could, then flopped backwards in despair. He ran his hands over his face, then covered his eyes with the back of one arm, the other resting across his chest. The sleeping tablets Carson had given him weren't working, and the doctor had already refused to give him anything stronger. The emotions of the last few weeks, combined with a bone deep weariness from four nights without sleep finally overwhelmed him.

"Fuck." It was more a whispered moan that a curse, an admission that he couldn't hold on any longer. John finally broke. Rolling over onto his stomach, John buried his head in his pillow and cried.

_17 Months Ago:_

Elizabeth sat at her desk and listened as Teyla told them what she knew of Lakeesha. At least that's what the local populace called the planet. In typically redundant military style, they'd renamed it PX3-225. Elizabeth thought Lakeesha was a lovely name and she was in a sardonic enough mood to be irked by the more pragmatic map reference. It was like calling New York by its latitude and longitude. She gave a wry mental shrug. She knew her dissatisfaction with all things military at the moment was caused by the blazing row she'd had earlier that morning with Sergeant Bates. When something bugged him, the man was like a pit-bull with something between its teeth. She knew it made him a good security officer; that was why she had given him the position in the first place. When that iron will was pitted against her, however, it took all of her diplomacy skills not to punch him in the nose.

Elizabeth tried to force her attention back to the Athosian warrior but she was having trouble schooling her thoughts. She let the details drift over her, listening but letting her thoughts wander at the same time. Her eyes were drawn to Major Sheppard. He was sitting to her right, opposite the door. She noticed he always took a seat where he could clearly see the door and everyone in the room at the same time. She covertly watched the lean frame that had so casually draped itself across the chair. He seemed as relaxed and laid-back as that lazy drawl of his, but she saw the energy coiled just under the surface. She watched in admiration as his muscles rippled under the slinky black shirt as he draped his arm over the back of the chair.

John fascinated her, sometimes. Not in the school-girl crush way, although she had to admit to fancying him just a little in the very beginning. No, now there was a deepening friendship based on respect and admiration for each other. A love of sorts she supposed, but not the romantic kind. No, what endlessly fascinated her about John was the way he moved. Lazy, sex on a summer morning, sultry movement dominated by an inherent grace. But if you looked carefully, you could see a quiver in his muscles, feel him radiating danger like a coiled snake that could deal out death in a blur of motion that raised grace to an art-form. Elizabeth shivered and once again thanked whatever deities might hear them in this galaxy that he had decided to come. As much as she had respected Colonel Sumner, if things had turned out differently that day, she doubted they would still be alive. Sumner was by-the-book military, which Elizabeth respected, even if she did have some issues with extreme military responses. Unfortunately, the Pegasus Galaxy had never read that particular book. John's more intuitive approach had saved their lives time and again. Of course John noticed her watching him, no matter how covert she tried to keep her observations. The hazel eyes deepened towards green, and she was struck by the certainty that he _knew_ what she was thinking. It was only for a split second, then he flashed her a lazy grin and moved his gaze back to Teyla. Elizabeth wondered, not for the first time, just what the hell the Air Force taught its black ops pilots.

"So, whilst my people were never able to establish trading relations with the Lakeeshan people, I believe it is worth investigating." Teyla concluded.

"And you have no idea why they would not trade with your people?" Elizabeth pushed.

"As I have said, I was very young at the time. I have no memory of the Lakeeshans. I only know what Charin told me as a youth, that my father was very disappointed that the trade negotiations fell through. He was keen to trade with them, as he felt their advanced technology would be of great benefit to our people in defending ourselves against the Wraith. I do not know why the negotiations failed. It is possible they felt we were not advanced enough and had nothing to offer." Teyla gazed impassively at her, and Elizabeth wished the Athosian warrior was easier to read. She sighed.

"Look, Dagan was on your, I mean... umm… the other Elizabeth's list, and there was still a ZPM there. There's a good chance that there's one here too. Also, the Ancient database indicates that PX3-225 was an emergent civilisation. If they were on the brink of technological advancement 10,000 years ago, then it's highly likely they've managed to develop to a stage where they'll be useful to us. What amazes me is that they've avoided being found out by the Wraith. If they can shield their technology from the Wraith..?" Rodney let the question hang in the air. Elizabeth leaned back in her chair and stared morosely at her data tablet, as though it might contain answers to the questions that worried at her.

"We have to go, Elizabeth," John abandoned his slouching position and leaned into the desk. "There are three Hive ships on the way. Without a ZPM to power the shields, we're target practice."

"Plus, we can't ignore the opportunity to investigate their technology! If these Lakers.."

"Lakeeshans." Teyla corrected. Rodney waved a hand at her in acknowledgement and continued unperturbed.

"..have any form of advanced technology we need to find out what they have. They might even have an alternative to a ZPM! We desperately need power.."

"And weapons." Rodney glared at the second interruption. John just grinned at him.

"..and weapons. I need to see what they've got." he finished.

"Alright. You have a go. Organise what you need, and get a good nights sleep; you leave at 0800 tomorrow." As everyone stood to leave, Elizabeth shot John a look, and he unobtrusively fell back to let the others go first. As Ford, Teyla and finally Rodney left the room, Elizabeth stood and walked to the window, staring unseeingly across the 'gateroom. She let the silence grow heavy, then wrapped her arms around her chest.

"I don't like this, John. After Dagan…" She turned and hoped she was conveying wisdom and concern instead of the insecurity and doubt she felt churning in her stomach. "Be careful out there tomorrow. Watch your back."

John flashed her an easy smile, meant to reassure, but the dark acknowledgement in his eyes reassured her more.

"Always do."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

John stepped through the 'gate and cast a quick glance around him. He stood on a set of flagstone steps that led down to a roughly circular area paved with the same stones, before giving way to manicured lawn. The stargate area appeared to be the central feature of a large, cultured park that was obviously well tended. The blue-green lawns spread as far as he could see, interspersed with trees and bushes and flagstone pathways that meandered through the park. To his left a large pond glittered in the warm sunlight and reflected the brilliant azure sky. John found himself blinking at the peculiar sight of _very_ alien plants growing next to others that forcibly reminded him of Earth. He stared momentarily at something that looked like a cross between a Venus Flytrap and a fir tree, which towered over a bush that resembled Daphne. The imitation Daphne even had the same heady, honeyed scent, which was attracting some large purple insects. As he watched, an appendage from the flytrap tree snapped out and devoured one of the hovering insects.

John gave himself a mental shake and clicked his radio twice, the all-clear sign for his team to come through. He'd be damned if he'd let anyone else step into an unknown situation first, even with the MALP's intel. Teyla stepped through and John once again found himself admiring the easy grace with which she carried herself. Ford came through next. The weapons expert had a resigned look on his face, which was unusual. Ford loved 'gate travel and he was normally enthusiastic when he stepped offworld. The reason for his weary demeanour came through the 'gate a split-second later.

"…pony-tailed git wouldn't know a sound scientific principle if it bit him in the rear end!" McKay, in full snark.

John returned his full attention to scanning for threats and let the tirade become background noise. He was amazed McKay could talk from one side of the rippling blue event horizon to the other- he still held his breath when he stepped through. The only reason he still didn't close his eyes was because he didn't want to look like an idiot in front of the marines in the 'gateroom. Well, that and he didn't want to walk into an unknown environment with his eyes shut. It'd been just over seven months since he'd first stepped through the stargate, and despite General O'Neill's endorsement of it, 'gate travel still gave him the willies. Not as much as it had that first day, but that first time had been a whopper. They needed a sign above the SGC 'gate: Watch your step, the first one's a doozie. At least this wasn't a one-way trip to another galaxy.

"McKay." After the whole super wraith mission, John was starting to give the scientist a bit more credit in the field; but most of the time he still expected the well trained, efficient responses of military personnel and it irritated him when he discovered the scientist not paying attention. Instead he was still talking, looking around him like a tourist.

"Hmm?" he looked at John, but made no other move.

"The life-signs detector?" John allowed a little of his irritation to show in his voice.

"Oh! Yes, yes." McKay exploded in a flurry of disorganised movement as he hurried to locate and retrieve the life-signs detector from his tac' vest. "And.. yes! We've hit the mother lode. Massive energy readings coming from that direction." He clicked his fingers twice and pointed in the direction of one of the larger pathways.

"Okay. Let's go." John shifted his grip on his P-90 and led the way. Ford and Teyla followed immediately, while McKay had to trot to catch up.

"Hey, do you think they'll have coffee?"

They walked over half a mile until the tailored landscape of the park ended abruptly in a tall, delicately wrought iron fence through which John could see glimpses of grey, domed buildings. John slowed as he approached the large gates at the end of the path. They must have a kick ass surveillance system hidden in the park; John hadn't seen anything out of place but they were obviously expected. At the head of the pathway stood a tall man with an official stance, flanked by six soldiers with their weapons raised. He brought his P-90 up. Teyla's gun near his right shoulder was comforting, and he knew without looking that Ford had his P-90 at the ready. Rodney held his Barretta with a moderate amount of professionalism. John just hoped the scientist didn't have to shoot as he had failed to sidestep and as a result was pointing the 9mm at John's shoulder instead of the soldiers ahead.

"What do we do?" McKay hissed.

"Don't shoot _me_, for starters." John retorted. Rodney realised his error and sidestepped to the left. "Just relax." John told him, although he had to admit that being outmanned and outgunned was hardly conducive to relaxing. He warily sized up the soldiers. They had some serious weaponry, guns that reminded John of the Genii rifles, only larger. They were dressed in plain brown tunics over tight fitting black pants and black steel capped boots. They looked professional and they handled their weapons with the easy grace of people who were comfortable using them. They were in trouble. Damn. If it came to a fire fight, John didn't like the odds.

He brought his attention to the tall man standing in the centre of the soldiers. He was several inches taller than John, and had short hair around the side of a bald pate. He was dressed the same as the soldiers only instead of the tunic he wore a long flowing royal blue robe, that was fastened tightly to his chest by a complicated criss-crossed leather thong. He had an imposing manner, and John really didn't care for the expression on the man's face. John sighed. He hated diplomacy. He sucked at it; just look at the Manarian debacle.

"Hey. How're ya doing?" Nope, Mr. Frosty was still giving him the evil eye. "My name's Major John Sheppard. This is Lieutenant Ford, Teyla Emagen and Dr. McKay." He gave them the most earnest smile he could muster with six guns pointed at him. Silence reigned. "Er. We came through the stargate from a place called Atlantis. We were hoping to meet you nice people and maybe open trade negotiations."

If they didn't get a response this time, it was probably going to get ugly. John waited tensely for a moment.

"You come from Atlantis, the city of the Ancients?" Mr. Frosty rumbled. John lowered his P-90 slightly and nodded to the others to do the same. He looked expectantly at the Lakeeshan delegate who, in turn, indicated to his soldiers to lower their weapons. John breathed a small sigh of relief.

"Yes, we do. We found your 'gate address in their database." John thought going into details about alternative timelines and ten thousand year old Elizabeths might stretch his credibility somewhat, so he stuck to the abbreviated version.

"We thought we may be able to come to a mutually beneficial arrangement." Teyla stated warmly, smiling in that gentle manner designed to put people at ease.

"Maybe even become friends." John added, grinning at the tall official.

Mr. Frosty sized them up one more time, then barked "Follow me," and turned on his heel and stalked off. John looked at his team, raised his eyebrow, and shrugged.

"I guess we follow him." He said wryly, and turned and marched off after the tall Lakeeshan, eyeing the soldiers warily as they fell into formation around the Atlanteans.

As they walked through the gates and entered the city's outskirts John once again examined the tall Lakeeshan. The man was steadfastly ignoring the newcomers. He'd said nothing since his brief command to follow and John was starting to get a bad feeling about it. Well, more of a bad feeling. Or was that a worse feeling? Anyway, it was starting to piss him off. He increased his pace slightly so he could walk beside the tall man.

"I didn't catch your name?" The Lakeeshan continued to ignore him. John tried again.

"So, just out of interest, how did you know we were here? I'm guessing you weren't out for a morning walk." Good one, John. Yup, he'd look happier scraping shit off his shoe.

"I'm sure they had sensors in the park, Major." Rodney replied in his best "you're-an-idiot-why-do-I-bother" voice. John sighed. Rodney had been extra snarky at him since Allina. Perhaps he had gone a little too far stirring the awkward scientist. John wasn't an idiot, despite Rodney's allusions. He knew enough to recognise the insecurity and sensitivity beneath McKay's bluster and snark. John bit back a smile. McKay was just so fun to _tease_ though. And yes, John had already surmised that the there had been a sensor array of some sort in the park, but he wanted to form some sort of connection with the aloof Lakeeshan.

"Thank you Rodney." John growled, and threw a warning look over his shoulder. Turning back to the man next to him, he asked brightly "So, where are we going?"

Mr. Frosty heaved a suffering sigh and stopped in front of a tall grey building. The square, flat structures they had walked past up to this point had the ramshackle look of warehouses. This one was different however, and from what John could see ahead, they were approaching the more inhabited regions of the city. The building itself was a strange design. The first thing that leapt to John's mind was that it resembled a cross between an Ancient outpost and the White House, but lacking the colour of either décor.

"Before I introduce you to the council, you must submit to a medical examination. You will not be permitted any further unless you concur. We must protect ourselves from any diseases you may be carrying."

For a moment John was so fascinated by the man's sneer on the word 'diseases' that the context of the sentence didn't sink in. Then... hey! He wasn't quick enough though. Rodney exploded.

"What medical examination? I'm not going to get poked and prodded by some alien witchdoctor! I'm more likely to _catch _a disease than give you one! Do you know how many forms of bacteria are passed on intravenously? What methods of sanitation do you use?" John glanced at him. He could see his own doubts over the proposed 'medical examination' reflected on McKay's face. His own mind automatically presented him with several unsavoury scenarios, and Rodney exercised his imagination in this area far more than John did. Still, medical exams were standard practice in Atlantis, and it appeared to be a standard practice here too. He turned to the agitated scientist.

"Calm down, Rodney." He ignored Rodney's protests of 'how can he calm down' and turned to Mr. Frosty. He was uncomfortably aware that the soldiers were shifting their grips on their weapons. He didn't like this at all. Give him a fighter jet and a blue sky any day of the week. He understood the rules of engagement then. Diplomacy? What rules of engagement? Half the time he lost track of the actual goal, what's less the rules. He'd come to discuss ZPMs. How did he end up at medical exams?

"Perhaps if you would provide some more information. What do these examinations entail? We would be comfortable submitting to a reasonable check up." God bless Teyla. John settled for scowling at the Lakeeshan.

Mr. Frosty answered Teyla's question, but kept his gaze on John.

"The examination is not invasive. It involves gathering some basic medical data on you; some blood tests, some body scans. The tests are for your benefit, as much as ours. It will allow us to treat you if you should require any medical assistance while you are in our city. It will also ensure that you are not vulnerable to any diseases we may carry. It is as much for your protection as it is ours. You will remain conscious, and you will be permitted to keep your weapons." His was saying the right words, but his tone was even colder and more condescending than before. And John didn't like the way he said they could keep their weapons. It sounded like he didn't consider them a threat. He squared his shoulders slightly, and determined not to let Mr. Frosty's tone nettle him.

"Lead on McDuff." Oh yeah, Earth term. Oh well. Mr. Frosty got the gist and lead them into the medical centre.

"The saying is "Lay on, McDuff" for those of us that have actually read a book, Major." Rodney sneered as he swept past. John scowled and followed him into the darkened doorway.


End file.
